The Girl with the Distressed Heart

The Girl with the Distressed Heart 

“Moses said top the Lord, ‘Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’

The Lord said to him, ‘Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’” 

-Exodus 5:10-12 

Have you ever felt extremely unqualified for what God is calling you to do? Have you ever been physically distressed because you have no idea how to make since of the call God has placed on your life? And you think you’re in all the wrong positions to fulfill this? Do you ever sit there and think ‘ain’t no way I can answer this call. Nope. God you’ve made a mistake. I’m a woman, I cant teach in a church- or at least that’s what I’m constantly told. I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity for this. I am too young. I am too old. I am too type A. I’m not type A enough. I am not in the right community.’ OR the one I’m wrestling with now ‘what will people think of me?’ 

If you have ever thought anything that looks like what’s above, you are not alone. Moses, the man who God used to call HIS people out of captivity, literally told God “you made a mistake”. 

How did God respond? He lovingly reminded Moses that indeed He (God) is the one who gives us the abilities we claim are inadequate. He is indeed not surprised by Moses’ stutter. He is not caught off guard by your grades or your performance at work. He is not appalled by the mistake you made. And he certainly isn’t disappointed in your depression. 

Later on in Chapter 4 of Exodus, God tells Moses that Aaron is basically going to be his mouth piece. God uses the strengths that He’s given Moses and His brother. You know, I think that God could have easily taken away Moses’ stutter and made him a more eloquent speaker than Shane Stanford. But He didn’t. Instead, He chose to use community to bring His people out of slavery. He used the leadership of Moses, the mouth of Aaron, and the elders  to rally His people. This is God’s design for redemption. He does not call us to do His work alone. He also uses our unique positions to bring Himself glory. 

I’m not gonna lie, I am very much confused about what the next season will look like for me. I have mentioned this in other blog posts, but I am physically distressed because I feel so stinking confused. My heart wants one thing, my emotions are all over the place, and the people in my life have dreamed dreams for me and I’m having a hard time discerning what are the dreams God has placed in my heart and what are the dreams other people have dreamed for me. 

For Lent I’m reading through Exodus. Exodus is the story of God rescuing His people. God heard their cries as they labored in Egypt and He calls his people Home. God wants this for your life too. God wants to bring you Home. He is calling you into a relationship, or a deeper relationship with Himself. 

I am not sure why God is allowing me to be so confused and revealing things a little at a time. I’m sure it’s because I can’t handle what’s next. If I could, if we could, why would we need God? We celebrate , as we should, everything that Jesus has saved us from. We (*me) forget that He has also saved us for an eternity. He has saved us and called us into partnership with Him. We are coheirs with Christ. That is such an incredible task. It’s a task that we cannot take on our own. It’s a task that we cannot handle all at once. I believe that day by day, He is revealing His glory to us. Step by step, He is opening our eyes to the next step. 

This is hard. It’s hard not knowing what’s next. It’s hard not*feeling* certain about anything. But oh how sweet it is to trust in Jesus. It is indeed the only way to Live. I hope that in this season, that I learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is a life long journey. We’re all learning. And I hope that today you are given the Grace you need to give yourself as you learn, just as I am learning to be Gracious with myself.