The Girl with the Dusty Heart

“By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return”-Genesis 3:19

Some days I am reminded harshly of my brokenness. Somedays my pride causes me to stumble and fall flat on my face. Somedays I realize in a moment of heartbreak that my treasure was not in heaven and that the world has yet again left me feeling empty and alone.

Somedays I just feel like dust. Not pixie dust that glimmers and adds a flair, but the kind of dust that gets kicked up in your face that you know has poop and gross germs in it.

Today is one of the those days when I realize that I am indeed dust. I am failing. I’m not being figurative about it either. I am failing a class in college and I do not think I will be able to pass. I am coming face to face with the consequences of my decisions and actions. I am confused and I am frustrated. I am frustrated that I can no longer find pride and my identity in my schoolwork. I am scared of the future. I am embarrassed that the ONE thing that I have always been able to rely on is failing. I am failing.

I’ve spent a good deal of time admitting defeat. By my own admission, I have been wallowing, per say, in my failures. I am *shocked* by my inability to fulfill all the roles. I am running from responsibilities and crying about my problems daily. I am questioning God. I’m questioning why he would allow me to fall on my face. Don’t I have enough problems fighting anxiety without failing? Don’t I deserve a break?

Without Jesus, my life sucks. I mean it sucks more than normal. I have no idea how I’m going to recover from this. I have no idea how to maintain personal relationships when I engage in negative self talk. I have lost my crowing jewel.

The reality is that Jesus is in the picture. The point of Lent is to point us to the life and mission of Jesus. The reality is that even when it has looked like I’ve been succeeding in the past, it’s been all Him. He has given me the ability to choose joy. He’s given me Life. Jesus died to release me from the chains of perfectionism. He has called me higher. He operates in the realm of life and death, not the realm of A and B.

I cannot fail if I am in Christ. Jesus doesn’t loose. This dust *me* has been formed in the image of a loving and kind and gracious God. I have been raised to life- to a life that I cannot with my own works attain. In Christ alone I find rest. I think it’s so funny that I allow the facade of my success to provide comfort for my future.

Earthly things, including grades, GPAs, nursing school admittance, job acceptance, project proposals, and transcripts do. Not. Effect. Salvation. These things are not life giving. We have created ways to measure our success by comparing ourselves to one another. It’s how we function. Jesus sees the heart. He sees past the hard stuff.

If Jesus, the Pioneer and Perfecter of our faith can see past our failures, so can we. I am calling on all followers of Christ to call out the lies you hear in your life and the lives of others. Your eternity is not determined by your success. I’m only able to be writing this because God has surrounded me with a community of people who love me too much to leave me in my mess. My people (a very broad array of people) do not allow me to sit in failure. They call me in, and lovingly remind me of the Gracious and Loving God we serve.

So I’ve got the privilege of walking into this Lenten season in a period of earthly failure. I can rejoice in my earthly troubles. When my own strength fails, Jesus is sitting with open arms to catch my fall. God’s grace is sufficient to cover my greatest failures. And His power is made perfect in my weakness. This dust has been molded and formed into a Child of God.

 You’re being called into the same life-giving love. Your job is to say yes to Jesus and no to yourself. It’s time to allow God to dust you off, and make you a new creation.